I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
