We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
