my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I need to calm my uterus...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Damn victory sex feels great
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
