i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
