eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
