Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
