I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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