I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
