Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
