There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
