my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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