i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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