why do cheetos always look like penises
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
