pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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