sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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