i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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