Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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