I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
