people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
