dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
