Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i don't like sucking hair
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
