if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
