haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
too bad you live with your parents still
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
