I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
