He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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