And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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