everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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