margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
