i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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