I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
