She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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