Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
