I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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