The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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