hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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