Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
