There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Less talking, more tequila
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
