i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
