Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
