Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
There r osticjed everywhere
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
