Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
