Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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