census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
