Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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