Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
