The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
