Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
