This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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