My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
