Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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