How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
