Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
